I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
