but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
