my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
