Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
