Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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