Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
