the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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