Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
