Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
