I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
