My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm passing your future prison.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize