Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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