I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
