Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
