I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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