dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
