ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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