i don't like sucking hair
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Randomize
