Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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