I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
