My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
