oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
God, I missed his penis.
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