Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
