She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
