every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
that is very illegal...i love you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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