just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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