I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
