So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
