I got chris browned last night
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
