We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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