grandma shit on top of the toilet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
