he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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