We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
