Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
