What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
