jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the liver wants what the liver wants
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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