What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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