when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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