it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
