Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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