Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
