I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
