i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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