i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
