My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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