Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize