I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
