you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
