did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
