Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
