There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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