'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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