nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
