her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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