I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
