You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
