I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
