There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize