he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is Oprah even human
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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