you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry about my life...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize