Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
