capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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