At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
