He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
