I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
