There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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