all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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