I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
