I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
