are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize