was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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