Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
