Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
