She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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